The Butterfly
by jenaweir97
Summary: Vauseman. Alex is diagnosed with a terminal condition, but will Piper finally face up to her responsibilities and look after Alex, or will she revert to type?
1. Chapter 1

My relationship with Alex had always been full of drama. The comparison of our relationship to a rollercoaster was so clichéd, yet so fitting. Whether we were on a beach in Tahiti, or in our apartment in New York, drama always managed to find us. One minute we would be arguing and virtually tearing each other's throats out like hungry wolves, and the next we would be ripping each other's clothes off with reckless abandon, filled with lust and an animalistic _need_ for one another. It was almost laughable that during the most stable period of our relationship that life would play its cruelest joke on us. In one single moment, our lives were completely turned upside down and the rollercoaster set off again.

"Piper, will you please stop shaking your fucking leg about like a thing possessed." Alex said in a strained voice. It was a stress reaction that always irritated Alex. She once joked that I was like one of those wind up cars that you wound up but didn't release, so its wheels would spin but it'd never go anywhere.

"Sorry Al." I murmured, whilst putting both feet firmly on the ground and resting my elbows on my knees in an attempt to suppress it. I sighed and looked at the clock, the bile in my throat rising when I realised it was only 6 more minutes until Alex's appointment. I picked up a magazine and began mindlessly flicking through it when I heard a commotion occurring outside one of the doctor's offices.

"Get off me!" a man was shouting, whilst shaking his fist at a younger man.

"Dad, it's OK, I'm your son, calm down." the man plead with a exasperated tone.

"No you're not! My Lawrence would never lay a finger on me! Now go before I call the police!" the older man cried.

"Mr Bloom, this _is_ your son, please calm yourself down," A middle aged female doctor appeared out of her office. "It's perfectly OK Mr Bloom, your son is here to take care of you." The man looked at the doctor with a child like expression on his face before bursting into tears, his whole body shaking as he choked out violent sobs, clinging onto her for dear life whilst his son rubbed his back; whispering reassurances and comforting words to him in what seemed like a futile and feeble effort to calm him down.

I looked over to Alex who was staring in the opposite direction, tight lipped and pale faced. Her fists were clenched and she reminded me off a greek statue, beautiful and stony. I placed my hand on her shoulder, but it was soon shrugged off as she sniffed and wiped her eyes.

"Miss Vause please?" Alex's neurologist, Dr Healy, stood outside the door with a fake smile plastered on his face as he looked in the direction of the crying man. _Don't worry, they don't all do that._ His expression seemed to say as he then motioned for us to enter his office.

We both stood up at exactly the same time, perfectly in sync like there was an electrical current running between us, constantly keeping us balanced with each other. _"A connection that never really goes away"_ I remember briefly what Alex had once said whilst we were laying in each other's embrace one lazy Sunday afternoon. We both entered the room hand in hand, feeling like we were trapped in a parallel universe somehow.

"So Miss Vause, we have the results from your PET scan." Dr Healy said, whilst sorting through some papers on his desk.

"As you know, we disregarded any problems such as lesions or bleeding on the brain from your MRI scan, but unfortunately your clinical symptoms pointed towards the fact that something is wrong." Dr Healy continued, looking as though this was the first ever time he had ever broken bad news to someone.

"Just hurry the _fuck_ up and tell me." Alex said through gritted teeth. Dr Healy turned the computer screen towards us where we were presented with a scan of her brain, highlighted with different colours.

"As you can see here, what's highlighted are large sections of a substance called amyloid on the brain tissue. Taking this, and the clinical symptoms you've presented with into account, I'm afraid to say you have early onset Alzheimer's disease, or familial Alzheimer's disease. I'm so sorry".

"Alzheimer's disease? But that's an old person's disease. She's 36 for crying out loud!" I burst out in complete panic. How could she have Alzheimer's at such an early age? She hadn't even lived half her life yet. "There must have been some sort of mistake, surely there needs to be more tests before you can definitely say it's Alzheimer's?" I continued, looking over at my wife for some sort of reaction.

"As I stated, the amyloid on her brain is consistent and ties up with her symptoms, and therefore a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. It's very unusual for a person to have such a large proportion of plaque on their brain at this age. As we grow older, we develop amyloid on our brain which accounts for natural memory degeneration, but Miss Vause should not have this at her age." He looks at Alex, also looking for some sort of response.

"Do you have any questions Miss Vause?" he asks her in a gentle voice.

"I don't know… I have no idea. Piper please?" Alex looks at me, her eyes filled with tears and her eyebrows scrunched in such an adorably immature way my heart breaks.

"Are there any support groups, or leaflets for anything like this? Counselling maybe?" I know counselling is the last thing that Alex would ever want, but selfish Piper rears its ugly head and wants to know for narcissistic Piper, self centred Piper, _self indulgent_ Piper.

"Yes, of course." He flips through a folder and hands us a pamphlet with a young woman and an elderly woman smiling, as if there's something to be happy about. He highlights something inside and clears his throat. "These are websites and support forums to help you both. I've also highlighted a few helpline numbers and this one here," he points to an asterisked number, "Is a specialised number for familial Alzheimer's".

"Thank you Doctor." I say as I put the leaflet in my bag. Dr Healy stands up and offers his hand to us.

"I'm sorry I couldn't have better news for you both." he says while adjusting the stethoscope around his neck.

"Thanks again, you've been great" I lie, tears threatening to spill at any moment. I take Alex's hand and go to lead her out of the door until I hear a quiet voice.

"Am I going to die?" Alex asks, looking at the floor, eyes shut whilst she awaits the dreaded answer.

"You won't die _from_ it, you'll…die _with_ it. However, yes, your life expectancy is significantly decreased". Dr Healy explains.

"That's what I thought". Alex whispers. "Thank you". She pulls me out the door and shuts it gently behind her. She looks at me for such a long period of time before throwing her arms round me and crying, howling like a new born child. The only time I've seen such devastation was when her mum died several years back. She sinks to her knees and hugs my legs, absolute hysteria flowing through her. I place my hands on her head, and try to comfort her. I am reminded of the man earlier, desperately trying to comfort his father, but to no avail. I look around the waiting room, my previous expression of horror and worry mirrored on their faces now. I look down at my wife, unable to comprehend that my 'mamazing, bad ass Vause' is in such pain and distress. I sit on the floor with her, cuddling her, telling her it's all going to be OK.

Then it inally hits me, an epiphany almost, that this time I _have_ to grow up. There is no one else to support her and for once in my life, I have to step the fuck up and look after her. Even if it is the last thing I ever do.

A/N - So this is my first ever fic! I really hope you guys enjoy it. I know it's kind of depressing, but it's a subject that's really close to my heart and I'd really like to explore it with our favourite girls. Please feel free to review and/or PM me, and of course none of these characters belong to me :)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - Thank you all for your favourites, follows and reviews! It means a lot! It was pointed out that this story was similar to Still Alice, there will be 1 or 2 similarities to that movie, however this is mostly from personal experience and how I perceived it to be. I know that it is a devastating disease but I'm not going to solely focus on the negatives, but also their past and how this affects how they both deal with Alex's illness together. I have a few ideas on where to take this story, but I'm not sure which way I'll go yet, I guess I'll just see what happens. Anyway, I'll gladly take any ideas and constructive criticism on board, whether that's through a PM or review. This chapter is from Alex's POV, so without further ado, here we go!

*Again I own nothing*

At first, it's the little things. You're in the middle of a conversation and you reach a point in your sentence where you completely lose track of what you want to say. No big deal, right? You cook dinner for you and Piper, and you ask her, _"Can you please pass me the… oh never mind, I got it"._ You put it down to tiredness and stress. " _Work's been busy lately, lots of shipments to organise and people to meet."_ You think to yourself, maybe take a weekend off, have a bath and a few early nights and you'll be right as rain.

The next few weeks go well. The cartel's thriving and Kubra is ecstatic. You throw a party in your apartment, inviting all your friends and business associates and partying well into the next morning. You and Piper sleep well into the late evening. You wake up to a dozen messages from your best friend Nicky, asking why you didn't come to the concert you'd both been looking forward to for a few months, despite the fact you'd only discussed it the previous evening. _"Shit,"_ you curse yourself, you get up and take a few painkillers and hunt for some food. _"It was a late one last night and I was absolutely_ ** _fucked._** _No wonder I slept the whole day missed it."_ You reassure yourself, quickly typing an apology to Nicky and making up some half assed excuse that you had to attend an extremely important and short notice meeting, that you'll make it up to her ASAP. You ignore the tiny voices in the back of your head that question why you completely forgot about the concert you had been looking forward to for ages, and why you had absolutely no recollection of the conversation with Nicky the night before. Once again, you blame it on tiredness and alcohol.

You promised Piper that you would try and get fitter, that you would at least attempt her detoxing, gluten free and strictly organic diets with her. You start jogging daily, plugging your tiny iPod shuffle into your ears and finding a good route to run on. It's a dreary Monday morning and you want to clear your head before sitting down at your computer and getting to work, so you pour out some foul concoction Piper had made earlier with Kale (who the hell puts Kale in a smoothie anyway?) and you grimace as you try some. You grab your little backpack, almost forgetting your iPod but remembering right at the last minute. " _Just like everything recently, right before it's too late,"_ you smile sarcastically to yourself, the thought disappears though, just as all doubts do, when you feel the first bite of wind on a cold winter's morning in New York as you step outside your door. You set off on your usual route, it's so familiar you could almost do it with your eyes shut. You run past the local cafés and through the park that's already suffering from the first symptoms of winter, blocking out the hustle and bustle of people commuting to work. You suddenly start to feel hot and agitated and a loud buzzing starts in your head and you're forced to stop jogging. You put your hands on your knees, breathing deeply and trying to recollect yourself. You gaze around the city, and even though you jog this route every single day, you haven't got a fucking clue where you are. You panic and desperately start trying to attract the attention of the commuters, but nothing happens. Your panic and desperation is lost and ignored by all, not one person stops to check you're alright and you feel as helpless as the day Jessica Wedge put you in a locker and ran off with the key. You take your backpack off and rifle through it, pulling out the smoothie and gulping it down it as if that's the only thing that can help you now. You breathe out a shaky breath and suddenly you know where you are, _"Right by the god damn hospital,"_ you think to yourself, the irony of it all. You run home as if the devil himself is chasing you, a pernicious fear starts seeping through you.

You realise that what happened is **not** normal.

" _There's something wrong here."_

 _"_ _I am_ ** _not_** _OK."_

Alex Vause never seeks help. Even when you were a child and your mother couldn't afford school meals and the bullies had thrown away your sandwich, you would rather sit and be hungry then tell a teacher. It was nothing to be proud of, no way, but that's just how you are. It's inbuilt and you don't know how to change it, so you do your usual and try to tackle it by yourself. Alex Vause doesn't need anybody's help. Ever.

You do what all health professionals advise what not to do and consult Dr Google itself.

 _'_ _Memory loss'_ you type in. Nope, you haven't had a recent head injury and you're _certainly_ not pregnant. Maybe that search term is too vague so you try something else.

 _'_ _Memory loss and confusion'_ you try this time. Vitamin B12 deficiency? Possible but unlikely with all the health foods you've been forced into recently. Iron deficiency? Your periods are normal and you would absolutely kill for a steak, so again unlikely. You scroll through the results and your heart stops when you see the words 'brain tumour,' you click the link and compare your symptoms and the symptoms of a tumour. Poor memory? Check. Confusion? Check. Headaches? Check. Mood swings? If you'd have asked Piper, certainly 'check' but she's biased so you start to think objectively. You think to when you snapped at Nicky for no reason, to when you shouted at someone for walking into you, _hell_ you even demanded that the barista in Starbucks got fired when they spilt coffee on your moderately cheap blazer. You swallow deeply, ' _Check,'_ you think as you dial your doctor's number.

You go to the doctor for the first time by yourself, you know what Piper's like and you don't want to unnecessarily worry her. They take your blood pressure, give you a thorough check over and take some blood as a precaution. You ironically nearly forget to mention your memory loss, so briefly mention it at the end and the doctor sets you a simple test of remembering a name and an address and asks you to recite it back to them after a few minutes. ' _Easy,'_ you think to yourself. The doctor quizzes you on your parents, on your career, on your relationship with Piper, you give straightforward and non complicated answers until you're made to talk about your 'father'. The doctor asks you to remember the name, you start out confidently, _'Oh, it's Mary…'_ but then you frown when you realise you've forgotten the surname. You remember after a prompt from the doctor, but in your mind that's acceptable and perfectly normal, the question about your father just caught you off guard. The doctor then asks you to recall the address and you're completely stumped, "'O _h,' you laugh nervously, 'its fifty… fifty six something?'"_ The doctor shakes his head and tells you it's White Crescent Avenue, he then tells you he's sending you for an MRI scan and to bring Piper with you to your next appointment.

You storm home and sit and drink five bottles of Merlot whilst listening to Pink Floyd's The Great Gig in the Sky. You laugh darkly and wonder how it'll be until you're up there joining in, so you pick up the bottle and drink until the pain starts to numb again.

That's how Piper finds you upon her return home, clutching a bottle of wine and drunkenly imitating the song. You start to cry and tell Piper what's wrong, that you could be dying of a brain tumour or even an aneurysm like your mum. Piper cradles your weary self and tells you that she'll be with you every step of the way, and you breathe a deep sigh of relief, _'Maybe she won't actually run away this time'._

After your diagnosis, you feel sick. How could you have Alzheimer's at 30 fucking 6? You decide you'd rather have a brain tumour, at least it's treatable and maybe curable. Alzheimer's is a guaranteed death sentence. You once again break and tell Piper that you'll understand if she doesn't want you anymore, that's she's free to leave. She says that she's not going anywhere, that the world holds no interest for her without you. Stupidly, you feel selfish and cruel for putting her through this, she's only a few years younger than you yet it'll be like caring for a pensioner in the not too distant future.

 _'_ _If she stays,'_ the voices say.

Of course she'll stay, you argue with yourself, she's changed. There's no _way_ she'll go.

If only you believed yourself.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N - Hi guys! another update for you all. Thanks again for follows and reviews, it really inspires me to write. This chapter is from Piper's POV and I really hope it' s ok. Please excuse any mistakes as its 2AM right now. *Once again, I own nothing*

* * *

The morning after Alex's diagnosis, I wake up and properly appreciate my wife's beauty. Her alabaster skin almost glitters in the morning light streaming through the curtains, her perfectly defined cheekbones are lightly highlighted by a pink glow and the curve of her full lips look so inviting that I gently lean over and kiss her. It's so difficult to believe that someone who looks so _healthy_ and perfect is slowly breaking inside, so I try and reassure myself that it was just an awful nightmare.

I lay there for several hours whilst slowly stroking her midnight coloured hair, desperately trying not to fall any deeper in love with her than I already am.

"Pipes," I hear her murmur in a sleep filled voice as she turns over to face me and slowly opens her eyes.

"Yes, sweetheart," I answer, amused at how grouchy she is when she wakes up.

"I know you've been watching me whilst I was sleeping. You do realise that's an imprisonable offence, right?" She raises her eyebrow and smirks at me. "Although," She brushes a piece of hair out of my face "I do think that you'd look awful sexy in one of those cute little orange outfits."

I burst into laughter, "Oh my god, if you must know I was watching you glitter." I quickly duck my head in embarrassment when I realise she has no idea what I mean by that.

"What the fuck, are you comparing me to… to… what's the fuckers name?" She frowns whilst clicking her fingers.

"Edward Cullen?" I ask her, feeling a drop in my stomach when I realise that it was in fact _not_ a nightmare.

"Yes!" Her face lights up, "God, maybe having Alzheimer's isn't that bad if I get to erase that awful movie from my mind," She shudders, "Wait, so in this analogy that makes you Bella Swan?" She sits up and cocks her head to one side.

"I suppose so, asshole. I see you remember _her_ name though," I pout in mock jealousy.

"You know me Piper, I've never been one to forget a pretty face," She says slyly whilst rubbing her hand up and down my chest.

"Fuck you!" I squeal as she climbs on top of me.

"Please do," she whispers in my ear.

We make passionate love all morning and I try to ignore how much I'll miss this.

Soon after getting up, we go to our local juice bar and get breakfast. Well, I say _breakfast_ , according to Alex it was 'fucking vegan hippy food' but nevertheless she always stuck with it.

"I'll have one 'Green Powerhouse' please," Alex squints at the board, "And uh, what's the salad of the day?" She questions the young, very enthusiastic looking server.

"It's avocado and pepper," She answers in a broad Brooklyn accent.

Alex frowns, "The closest I've ever come to eating an avocado is guacamole, I don't even really know what it tastes like that." Alex looks at me, but I shrug. The colour of it has always been enough to put me off.

"Oh it's delicious! Very high in Vitamin E and Vitamin C which means it's super for you skin and reduces your risk of developing things like Alzheimer's!" The girl beams proudly as if she's just told us we've won $10,000,000.

"D'you know what, forget it." Alex storms outside the shop leaving the girl looking very confused.

"Was it something I said?" she asks me, completely dumfounded as to how her sunny disposition could be seen as offensive and _slightly_ condescending.

"She's just having a bad day" I mumble whilst quickly leaving and wondering where the hell Alex would have gone to.

For the first time, I question whether I'm strong enough to deal with this.

After hours of aimlessly walking around, I return back to our apartment to find Alex drinking out of a bottle of Jack Daniels like its water.

"Don't even think about preaching, Piper. I'm done with your healthy shit. 'Oh, but it reduces your chances of developing Alzheimer's!'" Alex mocks the girl's accent.

"Alex she wasn't to know-" I start to say before she cuts me off.

"Bullshit. If I'd have gone in there with a bald head I bet my fucking ass she wouldn't have started waxing lyrical about magical vegetables that reduce the risk of cancer. Why should it be any different with me, huh? What, just because I'm not old and decrepit on the outside means I'm perfectly healthy inside too? Fucking stereotypes as usual. If you don't fit into a _specific_ category or appearance then that obviously means you don't have any problems. I've heard it all before, 'Oh look at that rich bitch, she has no idea whether she's coming or going, never had anything to worry about in her life before because mummy and daddy have always been there.'" She waves her hand in the air. "They have no fucking idea that I came from complete poverty and _shit_ , they just presume because I now have the appearance of a ' _rich bitch'."_ She spits whilst over exaggerating air quotes with her fingers. "Just because my shitty genes and broken brain aren't physically visible for people to see, that automatically means I'm fine. _Bullshit."_ She shouts and proceeds to take another great gulp of the whisky.

For once in my life, I have absolutely no idea what to say. Alex looks at me with glazed eyes.

"Piper just go. Go on, do what you do best and leave. I'm surprised you've lasted this long, to be honest. I'll probably forget you even existed in a few months, so just _fuck off."_ She hiccups and wipes her mouth.

I open my mouth but no words come out. I turn on my heel and walk out the door and I am reminded of when I left her after her mother died suddenly all those years ago.

* * *

 _**This is for the best. This is for the best. This is for the best. If I repeat that to myself enough times then I might just believe it. Alex's pleas are still fresh in my ears and strong guilt is resounding through me. It's true, I could have been her 'friend' and helped support her, but to quote Alex "We have never been_ just _friends". We are incapable of having a non-romantic relationship. All those times I considered leaving because she took me all over the world meaning I had to leave another job and make yet more excuses to my family, all those times I considered leaving because I couldn't stand her job anymore, all those times I considered leaving while she was out at yet another business meeting completely disappeared when she simply asked me not to go, to not give up on_ us _. All doubts just evaporating from my mind because at the end of the day, I told myself, love conquers all. I was never forced to go anywhere, right? I always gave in and agreed to go with her, I always had a choice. She is what I pay attention to, who I pay attention to. Everything else is just background. Only this time, I had to seize the opportunity or else she would have convinced me to stay again, I try and reassure myself. I would never leave otherwise. In truth, it's what I'm best at, running away when the going gets tough. One time in kindergarten when I was just a young child, even though I was part of planning some convoluted and elaborate plan to try and escape from the building I ran away and hid in the toilet whilst the others where carrying it out. I could always be involved and in agreement with something, but as soon as shit got real I backed out. Piper Chapman's biggest fall down has always been a perpetual fear of the unknown consequences. So once again, I found myself running away from the consequences, choosing to ignore the fact that it wasn't actually Alex's fault but it was_ ** _mine._** She _puts me in danger,_ She _manipulates me into going everywhere with her, so why should_ I _stay and support her, I think to myself? Well maybe because she's always tried to do the best by you and adores you, you sociopathic piece of shit, I argue with myself._

 _This time my biggest fall down was falling in love._

 _I convince myself that Alex will be fine, she always is, and I feel a glimmer of hope that I can now become independent and stop my complete addiction and need for her as I get on the plane back home.**_

* * *

What never occurs, or has ever occurred, to me though, is that perhaps Alex needs **me** for a change. Selfishly I can't even begin to think about that, I continue thinking that Alex is the strong one and is more than capable of looking after herself, she is my wonder woman, my rock. I try and bury my feelings for her all over again, and even though I told myself that I had to do the right thing by her for once, I just can't. After all, she gave me the opportunity to walk out, she hasn't _forced_ me into staying, in fact she was the one who told me to go. I keep on walking, unsure as to where I'm headed, but just knowing that I can't deal with watching the love of my life completely fall apart again.

 _This is for the best._

 _Fucking_ coward.


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as Piper leaves, I feel completely empty. Even though I told her to go, I never imagined she actually would.

 _You knew she'd leave though. That's what she does best._

Once again I start crying, crying for who I was, who I am and who I will become. I cry because I love Piper so fucking much, but completely _abhor_ her as well. I cry because my mum isn't here and again I'm totally overwhelmed by grief for her.

I cry because I'm alone, and I have no fucking idea how I'll get through this by myself.

* * *

I wake up the next morning, my head is killing me and my mouth feels like a desert. I turn on my phone for the first time in days and see numerous message from Nicky.

 _"_ _Vause why the hell are you not answering my messages?"_

 _"_ _I haven't heard from you in 3 days, there'd better be a good reason for this"_

 _"_ _I swear to god I'm calling the fucking FBI if i don't hear from you in the next hour"_

I flick through all her mildly threatening and abusive messages until I come across the last one.

" _Piper's said you're not well. Please don't shut me out stretch."_

Fucking bitch, I think to myself. Of course she told Nicky, subtlety and confidentiality has never been one of Piper's strong points.

" _Sorry. I've had a lot on my degrading mind. Come over later."_ I type a quick reply, hoping that she's too busy fucking Lorna or something to notice it straight away, I need a while to mentally prepare myself. I reach over to my bedside table, being surprised when I find a glass of water there. Maybe I'm not losing my mind as quickly as I thought. I then take a sip of it only to discover it's vodka. _What a fucking douchebag._ I put it down in disgust and get out of bed to find something non alcoholic to drink and to get some tylenol. I grab a cup and gulp some water down like a dying man and then hunt down some tylenol, I throw a few tablets down my throat and turn some music on. I smile when I hear Debussy play, remembering one particular afternoon.

* * *

" _Come dance with me Ali," Piper chants, smiling sweetly at me._

 _"_ _Don't ever call me that again you little shit." I say, trying to suppress a smile as I'm reading a book._

 _"_ _Sorry", she flashes a wide toothy grin at me, "But I love this song." She says, perching on the end of the bed waiting for my response._

 _"_ _Babe, it's Clair De Lune, not exactly a floor filler." I reply, my concentration fully on my book._

 _"_ _C'mon Al, please?" she pouts at me, staring at me with her 'sad puppy eyed' look as I liked to call it._

 _"_ _Fiiine, but don't expect me to enjoy it." I say, dramatically slamming down my book._

 _"_ _YAY!" she squeals, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. We start dancing around the bedroom, her head tucked into my neck and our arms wrapped around each other in a tight embrace._

 _"_ _Did you know that this song is one of the four movements of the Suite bergamasque? The bergamask is an old Italian dance which was considered a very awkward and clumsy dance," she smirks at me, "A bit like you when you're dancing," she laughs._

 _"_ _I agree to dance with you and you start insulting me? Shocking behaviour, Chapman." I look her right in the eyes. "I bet you didn't know that the word Clair De Lune means 'moonlight' in French though, smartass." She is staring at me intently and I realise how apt that description is, her eyes truly are the colour of shining moonlight._

 _"_ _Nuh uh," she says and leans in to kiss my neck._

 _"_ _Looks like the walking encyclopaedia needs an update," I tease and hold her closer to my chest._

 _We continue gently swaying around for hours. I think of all the ups and downs we've had, the laughter and tears but ultimately the complete adoration and care for one another._

 _After all, love is like a rose; so sweet, that one always tries to gather it in spite of the thorns._

* * *

The song ends and my phone buzzes, breaking me out of my blissful memories. A message from Nicky flashes up.

" _At least you're alive. I'll be over by 2."_

I look at the time. _1.30pm,_ I still had a bit of time. I get up and decide that the best move would be to make some food. I cut some bread and turn the grill on, only for a crushing pain to suddenly occur in my head making me cry out. I couldn't remember if I'd taken any painkillers or not, I thought I had but I could never be sure of anything these days. I make my way to the bathroom through screwed up eyes and swallow 3 tablets. I put them in my pocket, splash cold water on my face and make my way back to the kitchen. I put the toast under the grill and sit at the breakfast bar, wondering how the hell I'm going to deal with Nicky. She's going to kill me for not telling her and I can already anticipate what's she's going to say.

 _"_ _Is the fact you forgot to tell me you had a memory problem a symptom of Alzhimer's? Or is it more just a symptom of being a stubborn asshole?"_

I put my head in my hands and groan when a great pain shoots through my head again. I feel something in my pocket and find painkillers. _How the hell did they get there?_ I praise some imaginary god and swallow three of the pills. I get up to check my toast when I suddenly feel a sharp pain in my stomach and I'm overcome with nausea. I run to the toilet, but slip and bang my head off the sink and everything goes black.

 _Random memories come back to me amongst the swirling darkness and intermittent bright lights. Suddenly I'm seven years old, my glasses are taped together and Jessica Wedge and her posse of friends are taunting me and calling me pig sty._

 _*FLASH*_

 _I'm in high school, smoking a joint for the first time when the hot girl sitting next to me suddenly takes the joint out of my hands and kisses me._

 _*FLASH*_

 _I'm backstage at a Death Maiden concert, after just having met my father for the first time. A man called Fahri approaches me and offers me drugs, I politely decline and then he tells me he works for an international drug cartel and proceeds to offer me a job. He tells me that he can get me a better life and I'm guaranteed to make a fortune. I follow him out the door, finally filled with hope._

 _*FLASH*_

 _I hand my mum the keys to her first ever home, telling her she'll never have to work again. She cries and throws her arms around me. I'm so proud that I can finally give her what she deserves and I cry with her._

 _*FLASH*_

 _A young blonde walks into a bar and we lock eyes immediately. I already know that this beautiful girl is destined to change my life._

"Alex" a honeyed voice shouts at me. "Alex, wake the fuck up".

"Waa… what?" I open my eyes, confused as to how I'm on the floor. I look down at myself and I'm covered in my own sick. A cool hand smooths its way across my forehead.

"We're getting you help sweetie." My eyes widen.

"Piper?" I whisper, not quite believing she's here.

"That's my name," she gives me a tense smile, "I came with Nicky."

"Nicky's here?" I question her, now completely confused.

"She told you she was coming round by 2?" her dark eyebrows knit together.

"I don't remember," I sigh and close my eyes again.

"I guess you don't remember trying to burn down the kitchen either, huh?" she gives me her concerned mother look.

"Aw shit, I was looking forward to my toast, too," I mumble. "What's Nicky doing?"

"Calling 911, it looks like… you tried to overdose," she bites her lip and looks away. "I'm gonna go see how Nicky's getting-"

"No Piper." I say, 'Don't you fucking leave me," I almost whisper.

"Ok, I won't. It's fine, I'm here." She sits back down and holds my hand.

For the first time, maybe, just maybe, I believe her.

* * *

A/N - Thanks again for all reviews and follows :) once again, please feel free to tell me what you think by PM or you can tweet me ( jena_weir). Sorry for the Debussy reference, it's not Twilight I promise, but every time I hear that song all I can imagine is Vauseman dancing to it.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you all so much for even more follows, favourites and reviews! It really does inspire me to keep writing. I'm trying to keep this updated as much as I can, and it will continue to be fairly regular until university starts again, although I will still try and keep it regular for you guys. Once again, feel free to ask me anything or suggest anything to me through PM or twitter (jena_weir) Hope you all enjoy! :)

* * *

"Ok, I won't. It's fine, I'm here." I say to Alex. For the first time in my life, I feel as though I'm finally doing the right thing. Every decision I've ever made in my life has felt misjudged or wrong, I've been criticised for nearly all my choices by my friends or family; whether that was choosing to stay in school and work hard whilst all my friends chose to skip class, declining invitations to parties in favour of softball practice (oh the irony of that one), or choosing to study a 'silly' subject in the words of my mother, and not following the typical Chapman path of becoming a lawyer or a doctor. All of my choices were just _wrong_.

Finally though, I'm doing the right thing, even if it did only take me 31 years.

Alex is taken to hospital, and Nicky and I following close behind in my little red Audi that Alex had bought me for my 30th birthday.

"Nicky, can you please put your seatbelt on, you're making me nervous," I frown over at her, annoyed that she _never_ listens to me even though I tell her she's not getting in my car unless she puts the damn belt on.

"It's like you have no faith in your driving ability at all, not that I do mind you. I don't like feeling…restricted. Especially in times of stress," She retorts, fidgeting about which distracts me even more.

"It keeps bleeping at me, which will only stop when you put your fucking seatbelt on!" I complain.

"Fine," Nicky plugs the belt in, only to sit on top of it instead of strapping it round her. "Freedom and the bleeping stops," she announces happily.

"We've been through this a hundred times, strap on or step out is my motto in the car," I explain calmly, "Sitting on the seatbelt does not count," I add on sternly.

"Strap on? Really? Can you get your mind out the gutter whilst we're driving to see your sick wife? And you still haven't told me what's actually wrong with her. Probably untreated syphilis from her younger days," She laughs.

"Stop. Now." I snap, "Really, don't push me further than you already have Nichols."

"Woah ok, don't go off your little blonde head, will ya? Just trying to break the atmosphere," she replies, as if _I'm_ the unreasonable one. "But for real, what is up?" she glances over waiting for a response.

"It's not my place to tell you," I say to her, keeping my eyes on the road.

"So it's OK for you to pitch up on my doorstep at fuckin' 1AM, asking for a place to stay and only telling me that you and Vause have had a row and that she's not well, but it's not OK for me to ask what's wrong? Bullshit," she scoffs.

I sit in silence, knowing she has a right to know considering she's practically Alex's sister, but I think it's just not my place to tell her. I'm so grateful she took me in last night and I was with a kind stranger, otherwise only god knows what could have happened.

* * *

 _I've drunk my own bodyweight in Bourbon and wine in a backstreet bar, when a cute stranger approaches me._

 _"_ _Hey there," he smiles, "I'm John."_

 _"_ _Hi," I slur, "I'm *hiccup* Piper." I nearly fall off the bar stool, only for strong hands to keep me up and reposition me._

 _"_ _What's a cute little thing like you doing alone in a bar on a Wednesday night, huh? Bad day?" he looks genuinely interested, or maybe he's just looking for an easy ride. I can't tell in my drunken haze._

 _"_ _Something like that," I mumble, tipping the bourbon down my throat._

 _"_ _Woah, I don't think I've ever seen a lady drink bourbon like that before." he laughs 'Maybe you should stop?"_

 _"_ _Never, and just for the record, Jamie, I'm no lady," I drunkenly point my finger towards his face._

 _"_ _Just for the record,_ Piper, _my name's_ John _and not_ Jamie _," he slowly enunciates his words as if he's talking to a child._

 _"_ _Huh, well, maybe I have a memory problem too," I say quietly to myself, quickly dabbing away tears that are threatening to fall._

 _"_ _C'mon Piper, I'll cheer you up!" he says enthusiastically._

 _I have the best night I've had in a while. We drink, we laugh but most importantly, I forget. The fact that my terminally ill wife has just kicked me out of our home no longer feels that important. John is funny, a good listener and kind of handsome. He's the kind of guy, I decide, that I would go for if I wasn't married. We carry on drinking until midnight until he announces he has to leave. I feel quite upset that my new best friend has to leave until he kisses me. And I kiss him back._

 _"_ _What the fuck?!" I exclaim in disbelief, staring at him in horror._

 _"_ _I'm so sorry, I just assumed that that's what you wanted," he looks guilty, and I feel upset that I've lead him on._

 _"_ _I'm married," I say softly, holding up my wedding ring for him to see. "I shouldn't have talked to you, I'm really sorry," I put my hands on my face and cry loudly, attracting a few glares from other customers._

 _"_ _Shhh, it's OK, we still had fun though right?" he half smiles at me._

 _"_ _We did, but I have to go," I stand up and then promptly fall back down, which results in me crying again._

 _"_ _Hey, how about I call you a taxi?" he asks, "At least then I'll know you got home safe?"_

 _"_ _Thank you so much," I say "It means a lot that you didn't take advantage," I blurt out, my foot in mouth disease striking again. We both awkwardly walk outside in silence._

 _Luckily, he sees the funny side of it. "You're welcome, although it makes me sad to think that I had to be thanked for not raping you," he sighs._

 _"_ _Yah well, just keep doing your…thing. I'm sure you'll get a girlfriend eventually" I smile widely at him._

 _"_ _Great dating advice, I'll bear it in mind," he says sarcastically, "Anyway, here's your taxi. At least give me your number so I can make sure you got back OK?" he looks at me with hopeful eyes._

 _"_ _I don't think that's very…wise. Thank you again though, for everything." I say as clearly as possible._

 _"_ _No worries, safe journey." He waves as I give the taxi driver Nicky's address, fully intending on telling her everything so that at least someone can help Alex._

* * *

We arrive at the hospital, and are informed that Alex has had her stomach pumped and that she's receiving treatment for a concussion.

"You can go in if you like," a nurse says warmly to us.

"You go on Pipe, I'l wait outside," Nicky says, sitting down with a coffee. "Nothing quite like pissy coffee and the smell of bleach to put your mind at rest," she says jokingly.

"Thank you Nicky" I whisper.

"No problem, you two need to sort your shit out, I'll just be outside if you need me," she says smiling at me. It's probably the first time I've ever witnessed Nicky acting like a normal human being in my life.

I step through into Alex's room, trepidation flowing though me just like when Alex was first diagnosed.

"Hey kid," she rasps. I feel sick at myself for not knowing whether she'll recognise me.

"Hey…how are you?" I respond, not knowing if it was a stupid question or not.

"Never better," Alex says sarcastically and gently slaps my arm. "Look, I'm not gonna beat around the bush, I'm really sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to hurt you," she nervously adjusts her glasses.

"I know," I say to her, "I'm sorry for walking out," I take her hand and start playing with her fingers.

"I know my track record is shit, I'm the master of handling things completely wrong,' she lets out a low laugh, "But I really do love you, and I want us to get through this," once again, I'm struck at how vulnerable she looks. She is attached to loads of wires and there's a big, black bruise near her eye where she hit her head.

"I didn't overdose, I guess I forgot that I'd taken like 9 painkillers before I took the last 4," she laughs nervously, "Trust me to nearly kill myself completely by accident. Maybe you'd have been better off if I had".

"Don't you ever say that. If there's anything these past 24 hours have taught me, it's that I can't live without you. Not again." I say gently to her. She looks at me with sad eyes and lifts me chin up with her hand.

"Well you'd better get used to it kid, I may not die yet but I won't be _me_ in a few months. I'll be like a completely different person." Her eyes go watery but she quickly squeezes them shut. "You know, when I was in middle school I had a massive obsession with butterflies. I used to think they were so beautiful until I learned that they only lived a couple days before dying. I was so upset that I cried to my mum about it," she reminisces, shaking her head at the memory.

"Anyway, she told me that the reason why butterflies were so beautiful was because they had awesome lives. Even though they died pretty quickly, they'd been through all the change of being a caterpillar, then a cocoon and eventually becoming a butterfly. She said it was the tough times that made the butterfly beautiful, and once it had reached it's final stage, it could die in peace." Alex looked at me with tear filled eyes. "I'm not quite at the butterfly stage yet, Pipes. There's still so much I want to do and accomplish."

"So you're in a cocoon?" I laugh out loud, desperately suppressing the massive lump in my throat.

"Yeah, I guess. I want to have an awesome life for as long as possible with _you._ No more lies or upset anymore." Alex takes both of my hands and holds them. "So, are you in?" she looks at me expectantly.

"I'm in." I say, leaning over and kissing her, memories of the previous night coming back to haunt me.

 _I will tell her._

 _Just not yet._

* * *

A/N: Don't worry, we will get through Piper's mishaps soon enough, but I feel it's important for her character development so that she can finally 100 percent devote herself to Alex. For those of you who are not familiar with the 'strap on or step out', this was something Taylor once said in an interview. I can't remember which one, but it's on the internet somewhere and it just sticks in my memory.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thank you all for your lovely reviews once again! It really does cheer me up. Also, thank you to the kind people who pointed out that the 'strap in, step out' reference was from when Taylor was on 'Talk Stoop' in Brooklyn with the interviewer Cat Greenleaf. I remembered it because it was funny and seemed to fit, so thanks again to RJVause, ManveerlovesVauseman, RANVEER and anyone else who told me :) Once again PM or tweet me any ideas or questions and I hope you all enjoy the latest chapter!

* * *

Piper and I sit in silence for the next hour, fingers entwined and finally my mind feels calm except one little thing that's niggling away at me. I can always tell when Piper's keeping something from me, even if it's something completely trivial. She always stays very quiet, can never look me in the eye and fidgets about. For example, shaking her _fucking_ leg up and down.

 _Piper and I had been together for 3 months now and she was already practically living with me. Her clothes were strewn all over my bedroom floor, a collection of books that I didn't own were appearing on my bookshelf and there were fucking kirby grips everywhere; all of my male friends once told me that that was how all girls marked their territory._

 _I arrive home after a meeting, and unsurprisingly find Piper sitting on my couch._

 _"Hey babe," I lean over and kiss her on the mouth, confused at how tense she is._

 _"Hi," she murmurs and I wonder if I've offended her somehow._

 _"Is the toilet broken?" I ask her jokingly, and she looks up at me with a confused expression._

 _"No, why?" her dark brows knit together._

 _"Just wondering why you're shaking your leg up and down like you need the toilet," I chuckle, still baffled as to why she's so uncharacteristically quiet._

 _"I broke your toaster," she blurts out, and looks down in complete ashame._

 _"OK…" I don't really know what to say, "Uh, how did you manage that one? I know you're not exactly Martha Stewart but surely even you can't fuck up a piece of toast so badly that you break the toaster?" I frown._

 _"I'm so sorry, the bread wouldn't go down in the toast hole bit so I lost my temper and slammed it down and the lever broke off," she explains, "I tried to fix it with a hot glue gun but it didn't work and I burnt my hand," she pouts adorably and I have to resist the urge to not laugh put loud._

 _"Firstly, where the_ hell _did you get a hot glue gun? And secondly, why were you worried about telling me you broke the toaster?" I ask her, sitting down gently next to her._

 _"I had to run over to the DIY store across the road to see what I could find to fix it, and I thought you might get mad at me," she looks up at me with heartbreaking puppy dog eyes._

 _I let out a loud laugh, "Did it not occur to you to not just buy a new one? After all, we're gonna need a new toaster anyway, that one belonged to my mum," I look at her waiting for her response._

 _"We?" she leans back and cocks her head to one side._

 _"Well you basically already live with me, half your wardrobe and book collection's here and you have a key so it makes sense for you to move in…" I raise my eyebrow._

 _"Yes! Oh my god yes!" she squeals and climbs on my lap._

 _"Mmm, hopefully you'll be saying that in a different context in a few minutes," I say seductively._

 _"We're gonna need to christen the place again anyway," she whispers in my ear and gently bites my lobe._

 _"Better get to it then," I whisper back, swinging her into my arms and carrying her into our bedroom._

* * *

"Piper, I know something's wrong," I finally break the silence. Her eyes shoot up to my face in panic.

"What? What is it? Are you in pain, do you want me to fetch a doc-", I break her off mid sentence.

"No, nothing like that. What are you hiding from me?" I ask her gently. I notice her whole body go completely stiff, her eyes fill up with tears and her dimples appear where she's biting her lip.

"I did a bad thing," she whispers in a very child like manner.

"What?" I shut my eyes, trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever bombshell she's about to drop on me.

"I went out last night and got really, and I mean, _really_ drunk," she nervously pushes her hair out of her face, "I was upset…about us, about you, and there was this guy and he was so lovely…" she trails off and looks at the ceiling.

"So what? You fucked him?" I ask her in a strained voice, dreading the response.

"God, no!" she looks affronted, "I kissed him OK? It was a complete moment of madness, I was drunk and we were having fun and he thought I was single, so he kissed me and I kissed him back. Only for a second though before I realised what I was doing. I am so, so sorry Alex," she starts to cry, and I slowly exhale, relieved that it was just a _kiss_ and nothing more.

"You promise you just kissed him?" I ask her, trying to suppress a laugh at her shocked expression.

"Yes! It was a mistake and it'll never, ever happen again I swear," she takes my face in her hands, "I love you, and only you".

"Did you just reference Yaz?" I chuckle, it's so fucking hard to stay mad at her.

"Mmm, maybe,'' she says shyly, snuggling into my neck.

"Is this an appropriate time to say 'Don't Go'?" I try to say in a deadpan voice, but abysmally fail when she smiles that cute little smile that had me hooked from the first time I saw her.

"I've already said I'm not going anywhere silly," she kisses me on the forehead, "Although I really need to pee, and Nicky wants to see you too so she can babysit you now."

"I would rather go into care than have that animal look after me," I laugh and Piper laughs with me.

"I really need to go now, I'll be just outside," she pecks me on the lips and gets up.

"Try not to miss me too much," I smirk at her and suddenly she looks sad.

"I'll never not miss you," she smiles gently at me and leaves before I have a chance to reply.

I put my head back as the meaning of her words sink in, when suddenly the door crashes open and Nicky swaggers in.

"Yo Vause, how's the head?" she sits on the chair and puts her feet up on the bed.

"Fine until you walked in, you warped oompa loompa." I smile, happy to see that she's not treating me differently.

"Sometimes, I get the feeling you don't like me," she says in mock hurt, and dramatically wipes her eyes.

"Sometimes, you assume correctly," I retort and shove her feet away.

"So, what's wrong with you?" she asks, a serious expression crossing her face.

"What's Piper told you?" I roll my eyes, Piper didn't actually get round to telling me why and more to the point _what_ she told Nicky in the first place.

"Well she came banging on my door at some stupid fucking hour this morning, crying her eyes out saying that you guys had split and that you're ill. That was it. Nothin' about what's up," she looks at me, waiting for an elaboration on the story.

"I have…early onset dementia. Or familial Alzheimer's, whatever you wanna call it. Basically, I only have a few functioning brain cells, and the ones that are working are shuffling around on zimmer frames," I try to make a joke out of it. Nicky looks horrified and I imagine how she looks now is how I looked when I was told.

"What the fuck, Vause?! You're 36!" she exclaims.

"Apparently one of my parents must have had it. There's a 50/50 chance I'd develop the _mutant_ gene," I spit out. "It can present itself from the ages of 30 to 50, give or take a few years. My mum was 50 when she died, and she was still as sharp as a tack so no prizes for guessing who most likely passed it on."

"Huh, kinda fitting that your mutant father passed on an alien gene. So Xenu's real after all, yeah?" she gives me a crooked grin. I feel relieved that she's making her usual corny jokes and not just ran away out of fear of the unknown.

I half heartedly smile back, "Maybe, but I still can't believe that that _cunt_ is still managing to ruin my life," I say angrily and push my glasses onto the top of my head.

"That asshole's not worth anymore tears, you hear me? You, me, Piper and Lorna are gonna make these the best motherfuckin' months of your life, they'll be so amazing you won't be able to forget them,' she says. Her optimistic outlook normally annoys me, but today it really helps me see the positives I'm currently struggling to find.

"You have told Kubra and Fahri though, right?" she questions me, already being able to tell what the answer is from my grimace.

"Not yet. I have no idea how to. 'Hey guys, I have Alzheimer's, which basically means I can no longer work for you and also means I could accidentally expose you at any moment. Have a nice life'. Somehow I don't think that one will go down too well," I sigh.

"You've gotta tell them before it gets worse, Vause," she warns, "You don't need them having a vendetta against you just because you're ill."

"Don't you think I've thought of that? I just need to find a way of reassuring them that I'm not going to somehow rat them out by mistake," I say quickly, interrupted by a nurse coming in and checking my vitals and pain relief.

"Everything's just getting on top of me, you know? I can't believe my life's come to this," I start to cry and Nicky puts her arm around me.

"Chin up, sister. Ya never know, tonight might be taco night!" Nicky says, feigning excitement.

"Tonight's beef and noodles," the nurse informs her solemnly before walking out.

Nicky and I both look at each other with amusement, before erupting into raucous laughter.

* * *

A/N: I have nothing against Scientology, I don't judge anyone on what their beliefs are but thought it would be kind of appropriate because Poussey refers to Tom Cruise believing in aliens in season 2, and obviously Laura's a scientologist :)


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Hey guys, so sorry about the wait. Uni really has been hectic since the moment I got back so it's difficult to devote time to this and assignments. I will update as regularly as I can though, and thank you to everyone that has followed/favourited/reviewed so far and I hope you're all still enjoying it!

* * *

Months pass and everything goes back to normal. Almost. After we got back from the hospital, she was exactly the person I fell in love with. She was funny, smart and most importantly _my Alex._ She decided to temporarily put off telling Kubra about her illness as the medication appeared to be working wondrously; if you hadn't have know that she was actually ill, you most certainly couldn't have guessed she was. She was thriving, my beautiful butterfly appeared to be exceeding everyone's expectations, even Dr Healy commented on how remarkably well she was doing.

However, all good things must come to an end.

I wake up early as I have a business meeting with Barney's where Polly, my best friend, and I are pitching our company PoPi to. I have never dealt with stress well, so when I discover my phone's dead I am not at all impressed.

"Shit," I groan, I start rifling through everything in the bedroom but I'm still unable to find it. "Al, have you seen my charger?' I shout to her as I look in the living room.

"Charger?" she shouts back sounding confused. I shut my eyes and sigh. _Please God, not this morning_ I silently pray and walk back into the bedroom.

"My phone charger babe, ya know, I need it so my phone can work."

"Oh right, um, I have no idea," she shakes her head and lays back down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I feel my temper flaring, but it quickly disappears and guilt replaces it. What sort of person am I, getting annoyed with her for being ill?

"Forget it" I mumble and resume my hunt in the kitchen.

"Ha, funny," I hear Alex say and once again I feel like the worst fucking person to ever exist.

I scour round, still unable to find it until I check the time. _8.30am, shit, I only have 20 minutes!_ I abandon my search in favour of getting a glass of orange juice, only when I quickly yank the fridge open I see my charger sitting neatly on the middle shelf. Even though I know that this was going to happen, no amount of preparation could ever prepare me enough for when something like this actually happens. I hear Alex get up and I quickly pull the charger out and throw it on the table. She comes through, rubbing her eyes and yawning.

"Oh hey, you found it," she smiles and goes to prepare some coffee.

"Uh yeah, I must have charged my phone in here last night. Leave the coffee Al, I'll do it," I quickly tell her. We had discussed what would happen as she started to lose her memory more a few months back.

* * *

" _I don't want you doing things where you could easily hurt yourself as you get worse," I told Alex firmly as she was trying to unstick the kettle that had melted onto the oven that she had forgot to turn off. Although she was processing with her illness slowly, there were still subtle signs that let us all know it hadn't miraculously disappeared._

 _"_ _Pipes, calm down, this was a genuine mistake. You're acting as though I've forgotten how to drive a car, or how to put a fire out," she joked half-heartedly._

 _"_ _I''m serious Alex, what happens if you hurt yourself when I'm not here and have no way of contacting me? We need to set out guidelines and boundaries before you progress anymore with this,"_

 _"_ _You're not my mum, Piper. God, maybe if we had have had kids you wouldn't be so mumsy with me," she groaned._

 _"_ _Thank god we didn't," I whisper to myself, but I know she heard me from the way she winces and looks in the opposite direction._

 _"_ _Look, we'll take it as it comes OK? We'll get people in to help if we have to, I just don't want you to unnecessarily put yourself in danger," I walk over to her and gently sit in her lap._

 _"_ _I don't wanna get to that stage Pipes, I've always taken care of myself and now that I can't… I just struggle to see the point sometimes," her face crumples and tears form in her eyes. I pull her head into my neck and try to blink away my own tears._

 _"_ _I know babe, but we've still got so much to do. At least we're in it together, right?"_

 _"_ _Right," she tries to sound enthusiastic, but her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes._

* * *

I prepare the coffee for Alex, look at my watch and swear, I literally only have 10 minutes left and I could not be less organised. I grab everything, say goodbye to Alex when what she says next completely astounds me.

"Bye mum, have a good shift," she waves cheerily, but then a completely horrified expression crosses her face and she goes beet red. "Fuck, I don't even-"

"It's cool babe, I'll see you later," I mumble. I close the door behind me and quickly signal to a nearby taxi that I need a lift, desperately trying to shake off the wave of nausea that has just come across me and hoping it's not enough to fuck up the meeting.

* * *

The meeting goes well, brilliantly in fact, and Polly and I give each other a resounding high five when we leave the room.

"You were fucking awesome Pipe! Well done!' Polly beams, finally relieved that we appear to have received our first official contract.

"So were you, honestly, I can't believe we bagged Barney's!" I squeal, I know they haven't officially given us a contract yet, but with such a good response from the board and a "we'll definitely be in touch soon", it's hard not to believe we got it.

We both decide to go for a celebratory lunch, and I'm having the best laugh I've had with Polly in ages when the topic of Alex comes up.

"So, how's Alex?" Polly asks whilst delicately sipping on a cold glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

"Not… not that good," I say, nervously tucking my hair behind my ear and my leg begins to pump up and down. "She, uh, called me 'mum' this morning."

"Well fuck," Polly says and takes a bigger gulp of her wine. "How do you feel about that?"

"How the hell do you think? She called me _mum_ Pol, I can't just ignore that."

"I know babe, of course not, but isn't there anything else you can do? Is there any other treatment?" she questions, even though she knows that there is absolutely nothing else that can be done.

"Apart from making sure she attends all of her appointments and takes her medication, no," I say quietly. "I just feel so fucking useless, one minute I'm losing my shit with her for putting a charger in the fridge and the next I just want to hold her and tell her everything's going to be OK."

We eat the rest of our meal in silence, pay the bill and leave. It's really unusual for Polly to not be droning on about her WASPy life and I wonder if I've offended her somehow by telling her about Alex.

"Hey, why don't you and Alex get away for a bit? I can hold the fort with the business here while you guys have a break. You could use Pete and I's place in LA if you wanted?" she laughs nervously and looks at the floor, and for the first time since I've known he,r I really think that she's being _genuine_ for a change.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely, you both deserve it. I know you and Alex want to do stuff before… well in case she can no longer go places and do things in the future."

"Thanks Pol, that means a lot," I say hugging her tightly.

"Now go tell Super Cunt," she laughs, "Preferably before I change my mind."

"Thank you again, you have no idea how much this'll mean to her."

I head home excitedly, happy that finally something good will happen for a change.

* * *

A/N: I know it's a relatively short chapter but I just wanted to get something up, but the next one will hopefully be up soon and will be about their trip to LA. As usual, if you have any ideas or comments, please feel free to PM me and thank you to everyone again :)


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